Speed kills!...No it bloody well doesn't!

Ooouuuccchhhh!!!

As anyone in who lives in New Zealand knows, every holiday season NZ Police announce they will be out in force monitoring roads throughout the country with their speed-guns at the ready, in an effort to ensure that we all get to our destinations safely. 

For some the holiday season will involve the traditional visit to old Auntie Jean who you see but once a year largely as she smells badly of mothballs and urine. 

Perhaps it might be the good old kiwi weekend away at the beach. 

These are normally a fun affair where your daughter will end up pregnant from having shagged some local oike in the sand dunes. But of course you won't have noticed as you've embarked on a successful attempt at spending four days cataclysmically drunk, whilst blotting out the sound of the mother in law who helpfully volunteered herself to join you and the family for a smashing time away, how lovely!

Tirade on those 'homosexuals'

Eventually of course you'll manage to prize yourself away from the unrelenting joy of your piss-ridden relatives, or sober yourself up enough to pack the car with your pregnant children, your partner and the mother-in-law. Who of course is no longer talking to you as, while slightly inebriated, you may have told her to 'shut up' during her fourth tirade of the weekend as to those 'homosexuals' and why on earth should they be allowed the same rights as everyone else. 

Then you'll hit the road for the drive home. 

Now fortunately I'm not going to fall into the usual chauvinistic editorial trap of unilaterally and inexplicably assuming that the driver of this particular car is male. 

No, no and one more time, no. 

That would show such a lack of gender awareness that one would think me a dribbling old conservative buffoon from the 1950's, John Key as an example. 

No, I'll say that the most spatially aware individual is most likely to be the better and more aware driver and thus it is on that basis that we assume it's almost certainly a man that is driving. 

Bastion of facism

Now as a man you know how to drive. You know the roads to be busy but it's dry, the sun is shining and you have full control. Particularly since the mother-in-law has fallen asleep and now the world is at peace. 

And so you drive smoothly and comfortably without putting a foot wrong until, you're startled to find the bastion of fascism, the purest of evils behind you with reds and blues and flashing headlights. Yes traffic cops, otherwise known as 'bastards', kindly inviting you to pull over to the side of the road. 

Once stopped, I would always suggest you alight your vehicle to discuss with comrade Stalin, sorry, Constable Stalin what may have been the problem he had with your driving. This immediately gives you back some power and while it will likely have no effect on the result of the altercation, at least you played it like a man and weren't staring up at this excuse for the employed like a lost child desperate for food. 

Close to light speed sir

Now for some reason a good number of police officers who stop you by the roadside, particularly if you're close to Auckland, will be English. If this is the case you can forget any hope of talking your way out of the ticket for it is well known that English police officers have little ability to think for themselves. 

The result is that they will explain to you how they believed you to have been travelling at 105 kilometres per hour and that as a result you should by all rights be on trial at Nuremberg and facing a good solid hanging. 

He will then ask if you had any reason for travelling at "close to light speed sir". 

Now for the love of god, I know it's tempting. I know every fibre of your being is screaming 'make a joke' at this point. 

Your mind is saying 'yes officer, the quicker I got here the quicker I could see you'! 

But don't, the Englishman before you has a sense of humour similar to that of Joseph Goebbels and you'll be wasting your breath.   

So you're presented with a speeding ticket, some demerit points and a nice condescending lecture on how speed kills. 

But here's the truth, speed doesn't kill and there is absolutely no evidence, no study anywhere on earth that suggests that it does. 

Indeed there are examples of countries and states increasing, and in some cases removing altogether, speed limits as a result of studies that claimed they would see more favourable road fatality numbers if they did.

The road death toll halved on the previous year

In Montana for example, back in the 1990's, the authorities removed all speed limits from its network of Interstate Highways. 

The result, the road death toll halved on the previous year. 

The same is true in Germany with its famous Autobahns, where in most sections there are no speed limits. 

To throw some quick statistics around. 

Germany has a population of 80 million give or take a few strudels, and in 2014 experienced a death toll of 3,340 people or 0.0041% of population.  

New Zealand has a population of 4.4 million and had a 2014 death toll of 317 people or 0.0070% of population. 

This means that New Zealand has a road toll rate almost twice that of a country with major roads where there are no speed limits, none!

The reason for this? Scientists suggest it's about individual responsibility. Allow people the chance to drive to their own abilities and they will. Restrict people to limits and they will always push those limits regardless of ability. 

Now to be fair, for the sake of brevity I'm being a touch broad-brushstrokes with the numbers and I'm certainly not suggesting that New Zealand removes all speed limits. 

Our roading network is entirely different and much more dangerous than those countries with wide open highways. But the premise put to us by NZ Police and the government that 'speed kills' is not just entirely incorrect, one could argue that it's dangerously irresponsible.  

I'd argue that the focus of NZ Police is in entirely the wrong direction, but perhaps for an understandable, albeit unacceptable reason. 

In my view the focus of the Police should be on education and training, not infringements and fines. 

No-one taught them that's not where they should be

Make it mandatory for our kids to learn to drive in manual cars, teach them how to react when the back end of the car lets go, test their abilities on two lane highways and ensure that they always drive on the left. 

How many times have you seen someone driving slowly down the outside lane of the motorway or two lane road? It's bloody stupid and dangerous, but no-one taught them that's not where they should be. 

Old people are another example. Reaction times slow as we get old, our sense of speed changes and our eyesight worsens. We'll all be old one day and I'm not having a go at those of advancing age, but we should all be tested every year after we reach 70. 

There was an example recently where an elderly lady crossed the path of a motorcyclist in Tauranga. They hit and the motorcyclist died. 

I'll guarantee you the bike jockey wasn't keeping to the speed limit, but equally I'll bet you if the older lady had been through an 'advancing age' driving test, she may not have been on the road and that chap might be alive today. 

Teaching people how to use our roads safely costs money

No, the reason the Police are forced to hand out fines and infringements instead of actually helping to reduce road casualties, is that business model they are forced to operate under by central government means they're short of cash. 

Teaching people how to use our roads safely costs money, whereas buying a few speed-guns and stopping people for speeding is a very lucrative enterprise. 

So people for crying out loud, we are not a bunch of incapable halfwits who need figures of authority to guide us every inch of our lives. 

Well trained and armed with the necessary skills we are all able to identify our limits and stick to them. 

Therefore now is the time we should be lobbying our politicians to teach our children, not fine everyone through blanket rulings that have been proven ineffective the world over. 

We're told 'speed kills'. Well science says no it does not. Stupidity, inability, a lack of training and a suspicious lack of attention to the real reasons do!

'Speed kills'......no it bloody well does not!

Thanks for reading and till next time.

Comments are very welcome.

Cheers, Gordy